I'll be home for Christmas
by thesumofmydecisions
Summary: Post 11x08. Jo just wants to ignore Christmas, but Arizona convinces Alex to host a dinner, and she ends up having to help him. Things get worse when she finds out that he's been hiding something, and she may find the answers she needs with an unexpected friend.
1. Christmas Eve will find me

**A/N:** Hi there!

This story is meant to be like a Christmas themed episode focused on Jo. It will have 4 chapters, that I plan to update every other day, until 25th (let's pray together that I'll have time to write everything?), each chapter with 3 independent scenes. Almost every character of the show is here. I was trying to include everyone, but they're too many, so there are a few that I still don't know if I'll be able to fit. If everything goes as planned, we'll have Stephanie, Meredith, Amelia, Maggie, Arizona, Callie, April and Jackson.

If you recognize a name from one of my other stories on the third scene: Yes, it was on purpose. I'm using the same context that I "created" a while ago, because I'm too lazy to think of something new. If you don't, don't worry, it's not that important.

Since it's all focused on Jo, there's something about her past as a foster kid, which is making me a little nervous, because I know nothing about that topic. I apologize in advance for my mistakes. I apologize as well for any grammar mistakes or mispelled words, since I just had the idea I wanted to finish this chapter and decided to publish it in like 5 minutes that I could take off at work.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, unless you count my love for messed up people that don't really exist.

* * *

_Holidays. Everybody loves holidays. The family gathered around a table full of food, the kids running and playing and yelling, relatives coming from all over the country, gifts you'll pretend to like, the mostly-annoying-yet-funny carols and the snow and the pine tree and the mistletoe... It's the most wonderful time of the year. Everybody loves holidays. Right?_

_Wrong. What is there to love when you have nobody to celebrate with?_

* * *

**Boston, December 24, 1990.**

_"I can't believe you brought another child, Bob, I only have gifts for four. What am I gonna do?"_ From the bedroom, the little girl with smart eyes could hear the woman yelling at her husband in the kitchen. She had no idea what was happening, she only knew it was a new house, with new parents. She looked around; it was a big bedroom. One, two, three, four, five. The number of beds matched the number of fingers in her right hand, the same amount that she used when someone asked for her age. Her latest mom had said that after her next birthday she would have to start using the other hand too. She didn't know how long it would take until her birthday. Now, she was five. And there were five beds in the bedroom.

_"We have room for five, Marti, we are supposed to be prepared for five kids. The social worker practically begged me to take this one for two weeks, what was I supposed to do?"_ The man's voice was loud, but he wasn't yelling. He seemed nice. Miss Andrews said he would be her father for a while and that he was as a good man. The woman was scary, but not too scary. She had seen worse.

_"I don't care! What I want to know is what am I supposed to do now. I can't give the presents to the other kids when I have nothing for the youngest one. You just ruined Christmas for all of them."_ She yelled, again. The girl tried to stop listening, but she couldn't. She didn't like when the dads and moms fought. Were they fighting because of her? Sick of waiting, she sat on her small luggage and put her hands on her face, making her elbows touch her knees. She wanted to sit on a bed, but she wasn't sure if she could. They were all so pretty! The first three were red, such a beautiful color! The other two, next to the window, were green. There was a small Santa on each one of the headboards. She had never been in a place like this. So pretty.

"Lah-lah-lah-lah-lah... " As the woman kept talking, the girl closed her eyes and sang, as an attempt to take her mind out of whatever they were fighting about. That's when she heard a sound. The door was unlocked and four kids entered.

They all looked scared at the presence of the stranger. The tallest, a black skinny boy, soon lost his interest and walked past her towards the green bed next to the window. The second, who looked like his younger sister, was the first to speak, as the girl stared at them with her eyes wide open.

"What's your name?" The black girl asked. The newcomer liked her voice.

* * *

**Seattle, December 24, 2014.**

"Josephine. Josephine Wilson." Jo replied to the black skinny woman with a nice voice at the CD store. The woman typed the name on her computer, smiling to the customer as she found her name, them she went to the back of the store to take the album that had been ordered a few weeks ago. Jo paid quickly, eager to get out of that crowded place and took her cell phone out of her pocket to check one more item of her to do list app. That's when she saw a missed call from Stephanie. Jo sighed. How she wished she was at the hospital! It was ten in the morning and she'd been through more stress than in one entire day at the ER. She dialed her friend back, on the way to the parking lot - she didn't want to keep carrying all those fancy bags.

"Hey! Where are you? I thought you'd be working today." Stephanie said.

"I thought that too. Until _Dr Karev_ paid our chief resident to put me on his service and gave us both a day off to work on the Christmas dinner that Robbins convinced him to host." Jo answered, frustrated. She still couldn't believe Alex had done that.

"No, he didn't." Stephanie's surprised voice was an expected reaction. When Alex told her, the night before, she was more surprised than her words could describe.

"Yes, he did." Jo opened the car door and tucked the bags in the backseat, before going back to the mall. Only three more presents, and she'd be done.

"Alex definitely doesn't look like a Christmas person. Neither do you." The chocked tone was off, and Jo could feel that her friend was trying not to laugh.

"He isn't. We aren't," she entered a department store a few feet from the place she'd parked. She already knew that there she could find the things she still needed. "Two days ago, Robbins brain washed him, by saying that he was her only hope to spend the night with Callie and Sofia. Now, she is working and I have to help him to keep his promise."

Stephanie laughed. "And by help him, you mean you're doing everything and he brings the alcohol?"

Jo laughed too. "No. Actually, he is doing most of the work. Since he wouldn't let me go into the woods to find a tree, I'm just handling the gifts - for me, for him, for Robbins and for Grey. And the mall is a complete nightmare."

She passed by a few busy salesmen before she found what she wanted. She looked at the long lines. _It's the last one, Jo. You can do that._ Then she just had to pick up Alex's present on the postal office box she'd rented and go home. As Stephanie kept talking, Jo grabbed a pair of beautiful silver earrings and a leather hand purse. _Only one more._

"Wait, wait," Stephanie said. "It sucks that you're buying presents for the whole hospital, but the most important piece of information here is: You're having a tree? Oh my God, I can't imagine Alex decorating a tree. Am I invited to the dinner? I need to be there to see when it's done."

Jo looked at both sides, to see where she had to go now. "No, you need to be there to bring me my booze, or I surely won't survive this night. It's probably gonna make my list of the worse Christmases ever, and we have a massive competition here."

"You know you're overreacting right? I mean, it can't be _that_ bad. If Alex is going after a tree, maybe a Christmas miracle already happened and Grumpy is becoming a real nice person," Stephanie teased.

Jo shook her head, even though her friend couldn't see her reaction. "Sometimes, I wish my boyfriend were the jerk my best friend thinks he is. It would be less scary than dating a soft big bear who surprises me deciding we're hosting a dinner two days before Christmas." She said and heard a beep on the background when it seemed that Stephanie was starting to say something.

"Sorry, I got a page," Stephanie apologized. "But you know I would love to spend hours hearing Fiona's complaints about how Shrek is actually a real Prince Charming."

Jo snorted, catching the attention of a customer that was trying to get to the same aisle as herself. "Shut up! You will or not be there?" She asked, glad that she had finally put her hands on the last gift: A big umbrella that, if she remembered correctly, was from Grey to her new discovered sister who was living in Seattle for months already, but still didn't know that city was made of rain.

"I will," Stephanie replied, her tone still not free of her usual sarcasm. "I was going home, but my mom decided to come tomorrow, so I can stay sober and make sure that as soon as you finish a drink, there's another one in your hands. Then, if you need, I'll also be there when you start puking, to hold your hair and make jokes."

_Of course you will,_ Jo thought, almost approaching the big line. "Don't you get tired of making baby jokes every time my stomach says I drank too much?"

"No. Why would I? It's so funny to see how terrified you are to even think about having a family. Gotta go. Bye!" With that, the resident hung up, leaving her friend alone with a thousand people before her.

_Almost there. I'm almost there._

It was faster than she thought. Twenty minutes and she was already in the car. She drove to the post office, that felt like a desert compared to the mall, and said her number to a blond girl that looked like she would rather be dead than working - which was ironic to her client who just wanted to work to avoid all the holidays traditions she wasn't used to. After what seemed an eternity, the girl came back with her package, and Jo thanked her. Out of all the presents she had bought that morning, only two were hers - a rare CD from the early days of Stephanie's favorite band and the earrings for Torres, because she wanted to stay in the good graces with the Orthopedic surgeon. But the most important gift was already safe in that package for almost a month. _He's gonna love it._

Feeling less bummed than she was before, Jo put the box on her trunk, so Alex wouldn't see it if he was at home when she got there, and turned the radio on.

Maybe it was because of the festive songs coming out of the speakers, or the fact that her backseat looked like a wrapping paper factory, or the thought that she had managed to buy her boyfriend the first item on his wishlist, but on her way home, Jo was starting to enjoy everything. The morning hadn't gone so bad, after all. And the dinner, well, she just wanted to have a normal night, but Alex's friends were always at the house, anyway. Not that she loved that, but she couldn't really blame him for offering a place that was too big for two people who didn't even stay home this much.

It was funny how the roles between them were reversed at this time of the year. It was actually their first time, since last year he was too busy pretending not to care about his father dying and she was busy taking care of him without being too intrusive. But this year was different. Besides a few bumps on the road, they were in a much better place. He was trying to do a nice thing and she was being a Grinch. The rest of the year, he was the cranky one. Although that gave her some credit to be bad humored when she wanted, she also knew that it would be nice if both of them could simply enjoy this thing.

The problem was: Jo didn't know how to enjoy Christmas. She didn't know normal Christmases. She had been disappointed so many times, that she gave up on trying. Back when she still lived in foster homes, when she had the luck of being with a family that would afford a nice dinner for the kids, she usually managed to mess things up herself. Then came the two years she lived on her car. The first one, she spent all her bare money trying to buy fancy food and parked on a nice neighborhood to pretend she belonged to family a place like that. Her fantasy lasted less than one hour; someone saw her, called the cops and she spent the rest of the night in jail, which ended up being better than her original plan. The captain was a fifty years old woman whose computer broke and she asked Jo for help. She couldn't fix the problem, but they played cards and she even stole a donut from one of the guards. After that, nothing memorable. The next year, she was studying and that became her tradition during college and med school. While her roommates went home, she enjoyed the silence.

Silence was something she was sure she wouldn't get this year. Well, she could just stay in the bedroom - and she thought about the possibility - but Alex wanted her there, and she wanted to get along well with his friends. _I can do that_.

After fighting against the bad weather for a while, it was almost noon when Jo arrived home. Alex's car wasn't there and neither were the things he was responsible for - the food and the tree, without the decorations that Callie would do later. Grey would bring the beverages. She hoped he didn't forget to buy food. Even against her will, Jo had offered to help him with this too, but he said he had everything under control. Apparently, Meredith had given him some instructions, since she knew a thing or two about receiving people to have a real meal without actually having to cook anything.

Jo left her bags on the couch, so Torres would see them when she arrived. Then, she went back to the car and took the box she'd hid in the trunk. She stopped to check if Alex wasn't arriving, and since she didn't hear the sound of any cars in the neighborhood, she entered the house again and went upstairs. She looked at Robbins' bedroom, only to be sure that the blond wasn't going to surprise her, and when she saw that she was really alone, Jo went to the empty room. Alex never entered that place, so it would the perfect spot to hide her gift. Of course, she could just put it with the others with no identification, but she didn't know if she would want to give it in front of everyone. It wasn't anything special, but she wanted it to be their moment.

Looking up, Jo stopped in front of a bookshelf and saw that there were a few things on top of the old piece of furniture. Mostly, things that wouldn't fit in the shelfs, but there were about seven books piled up on the right corner. Since there was plenty of space for them somewhere else, she stood on tiptoes to take them. She calculated their weight wrong, though, and in one second, everything came down. She noticed that there was something above the books, but she couldn't exactly see what, since she closed her eyes during the avalanche. _Why would Alex put something here?_ It had to be him, right? It wouldn't make sense to be Robbins, since she had her own bedroom that they didn't enter and with her prosthetic leg it could be difficult to reach that height. There was only one reasonable explanation for Alex to use that place, the same reason why she was trying to use: He was hiding something from her.

_Crap!_ Bummed for having spoiled his surprise, Jo opened her eyes to gather the books and the mysterious thing from the floor. That's when she froze.

A little red velvet box.

* * *

**Seattle, December 24, 2020.**

"The red one, Alex. Always the red one," Jo said, laughing at the resistance of her husband towards their daughter's favorite color. It was good that she was still able to laugh, being at a department store on Christmas eve. She hated doing that, but things were crazier than normal this year, and they had no time to buy all the gifts before, so they had to face that war zone. At least, they had managed to take that time off together and she could count on him to reach the highest shelves without bringing everything down.

"Here," he said. "Claire knows that there are other colors in the world, right?"

Jo slapped his arm. "Yes, my child is not color blind," she replied. "You can run a test, if you want. I'm not the kids doctor of the family."

Alex made a face at her, but Jo knew very well how terrified he was at the slightest possibility of his little girl having some medical condition.

"Come on, did we take everything?" He asked, putting his hand on her back to lead her to the register.

They stood at the end of a line that seemed longer than the way back home, Alex complaining about everything. They were together for seven years and she still found it funny how he liked to play tough, when she knew very well how sweet he really was. He would spend a whole week on that line if that's what it took to make happy someone that he loved, specially his wife or his daughter. She smiled at this thought - maybe for too long.

"What are you smiling about?" Alex asked.

Jo shook her head, but still not able to be completely serious. "Nothing."

Raising an eyebrow to her, Alex put his hand on her waist and squeezed a sensible spot. "Alex!" She said, trying to be discrete.

"Tell me," he demanded, with a smirk complementing his evil look.

"Fine," she gave up. "I was smiling at you. You're so good at playing this bad mood attitude of yours that I could really believe it if I didn't know you too well."

He rolled his eyes. "Shut up. Look at this line! How am I supposed to be in a good mood?"

Jo laughed. "But you still like doing that. April offered to come with me and you didn't let her," she pointed. April had a day off too. She was taking care of the kids and getting the house ready for the dinner that Alex and Jo had been hosting for the last six years. Since none of them had family traditions and expectations to fulfill, they always opened the house to whoever of their friends were staying at the city too. April and Jackson usually spent the holidays between the Kepner's farm in Ohio and the Avery's empire in Boston, but this year April couldn't travel, so they decided to join the other couple with their tradition. All of the other friends, though, would either be out of town or working. Jo decided that she could do the remaining shopping for the four and April immediately said that she could come too, but Alex took his keys and said that was better if the redhead stayed.

"She is pregnant with twins. Eight months pregnant with twins. Jackson was going to kill me if I let her come to this pandemonium," he explained, shaking his head like they were crazy for even think about that possibility.

Jo couldn't help thinking he was even more sweet worrying about their friend's well being. "Oh, sorry. You didn't come because you wanted, but because you care about April and the twins. Adorable."

Alex squeezed her waist again, making her laugh. "Shut up."

"Adorable," she repeated and, ignoring that they might be observed by that crowd, she turned to face him. "And I love that. I can't imagine a better person to share these boring lines with."


	2. Where the love-light gleams

**Seattle, December 24, 2020.**

"Hey, look who's home!" April's voice came from the living room as soon as Alex opened the side door. She got up from the couch, her protuberant belly crossing the threshold before the rest of her body, to meet with the couple who had their hands full of presents for the two kids that were playing without give them much of their attention. Claire Jane Karev and Joshua Kepner-Avery, best friends since before they knew what a friend is. The boy - a miracle baby that wasn't supposed to live more than a few hours but was only months from turning six years old - was sitting at the wheelchair, since his disease prevented him to stand, and the girl was sitting on the coffee table in front of him with one of her mother's white shirts on, a fake stethoscope around her neck, a small pen on her right hand and a notepad on the left.

"You were coughing yesterday, so I think you have cough," the adults laughed and Jo quickly grabbed her celphone to take a picture.

"So, today you are a doctor, like mommy and daddy?" Alex asked, mesmerized by his little girl, as usual. Only that week, Claire had already been a teacher, a hairstylist and a supermarket manager.

"Yes. Then when you two are busy, I can operate on Josh," Claire replied, as if she really meant it. Alex had been on every single surgery Joshua had done since the day he was born, while Jo had taken Callie's place as his orthopedic surgeon one year ago, when her mentor decided she needed more time to invest on her research projects. The last one was six months before, and Claire cried her way to his room at the hospital.

After putting all the presents under the tree, Alex took Joshua from his chair and sit on the couch with the boy on his lap, asking questions to both kids and keeping them interested in the conversation, while their mothers just watched. After a while in silence, Jo noticed that April was crying. "Hey... Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yes," the redhead replied. "It's just that... Six years ago I was pregnant for the first time and praying for a Christmas miracle and now I have this smart and beautiful little boy that is as excited as I am to meet his sisters. Sometimes I still can't believe."

Jo squeezed her friend's hand. As a mother, she could imagine how the other must've been feeling. She also had her moments of looking at her family and wonder how did she get there. Sometimes, she still couldn't believe how blessed she was. She could stay there, contemplating her husband playing with their daughter and his godson forever, if a high pitched voice hadn't interrupted her.

"Jo... I think my son is gonna meet his sisters sooner than we thought," both of them looked at the wet floor. "Call Jackson."

* * *

**Seattle, December 24, 2014.**

"Please, pick up. Please, pick up. Please, pick up." Jo prayed at the phone as she ran out of the house, entered her car and started the engine. Where was Stephanie when she needed her?

Jo wasn't proud of herself. She wanted to stay and talk to Alex about what she saw. She had told him she wasn't ready to get married, hadn't she? It was one year ago, but it was still the truth. They were fine the way they were, why change things? She didn't like changes. She liked to enjoy the stable relationship they had now, she wanted this to last as long as possible. If and when she wanted to get married, she would let him know. She didn't even need a proposal, these things are overrated. They could just talk and come to a conclusion together. When it happened. If it happened. If she didn't find a way of mess things up before. If he didn't give up on her before.

She definitely should talk to him. She wouldn't forgive herself if he proposed during the dinner and she embarrassed him in front of his friends. He didn't deserve this. But then again, maybe guys that make those spectacular proposals do deserve to be embarrassed. _You're being ridiculous, Jo! Of course Alex won't do that._ He wouldn't. She knew. _Big gestures are not Alex thing, or your thing, and he knows that, so relax. And breathe. Just breathe._

Stopping on a red light, Jo opened her window and inhaled the cold air of December. She felt better. And stupid. Alex would be worried when he got home and saw that she had been there, but wasn't anymore, leaving only the bags on the couch and a post-it note on the fridge. She didn't even say where she was going, only that she had to go out. Jo hoped he would figure out that the hospital was the only place she could go.

Parking at her usual spot at the hospital, Jo called Stephanie one more time, and when her friend still wasn't answering, she went to the locker room and changed into her scrubs, since she wouldn't have a free pass if she had her street clothes on. Two residents were sleeping at the uncomfortable bench, but no one that she could talk to. Jo wished she had another friend she trusted, and for a while, she missed Leah and Shane, even if she knew they would be terrible advisors. Besides Alex and Stephanie, the only person she was remotely close was Torres, whom didn't seem a good option, Jo remembered how excited she seemed to be about weddings. _Oh, my God, a wedding? Does Alex want a wedding too?_ Lost in her attempts to find someone to vent on, Jo didn't notice Amelia Shepherd and Maggie Pierce approaching her.

"Wilson!" Pierce said. "I thought you had the day off. Karev stole you from my service, so I assumed you'd be helping him with the dinner."

Jo didn't know what to say. Admitting she was there to talk didn't seem a good option. "I... I..."

"She's running," Shepherd cut her. "As any sane person would do in her shoes."

Pierce laughed and Jo frowned. Did they know something? "Excuse me?" She asked.

Shepherd laughed. "Come on! Having to pull off a party for your boyfriend's friends with such a short notice? I'd be at the east coast already," she paused. "Wait. No, I wouldn't, because my family lives there and I'm running from them too. I'd be on my way to Japan." Jo tried a smile. The party, of course. Shepherd continued. "How do you like to spend 4 hours in the OR with the most badass neuro surgeon and the most badass cardio surgeon of this hospital?"

"Mr Rogers' surgery," Pierce explained. "Since you were already prepared to assist us and I still haven't found another third year to replace you-"

"Yes!" Jo replied quickly, before they could regret their decision. Mr Rogers had a rare condition that would require four surgeries involving cardio, neuro, and possibly ortho and plastics. Jo assisted them on the first surgery, three weeks before, and learned a lot. She surely wanted to remain on the case.

"Good," Pierce said. "He is already being prepared, I just have to eat something first, so meet me at the OR in fifteen."

She took her way to the cafeteria while Shepherd turned to Jo again. "You can come with me. I have to check on a patient first, but I want to ask you a few questions about the neuro part of the procedure, just to know how much I can trust you." That said, she started walking and talking, with the resident behind her. Then, Jo watched as the attending talked to a patient and when they got out of the room, they bumped on Grey and Hunt.

"Hi," Hunt said. "Uh, Amelia, can I talk to you for a second? About the patient that you and Torres saw this morning."

"Sure," the brunette replied and the two of them walked a few steps to the nurses station, leaving Jo alone with Meredith Grey in the corridor.

"So... Weren't you supposed to have a day off to help Alex get things ready for tonight?" The attending questioned.

"Yes," the resident replied. It was the second time someone asked her that, and Grey didn't sound half as friendly as her half sister. "I helped with the things he asked, then I decided to come here."

Grey looked skeptical. "Did you buy my gifts?"

Jo fought to not be too defensively. "Yes," she stated, simply.

"The puzzle for Zola, the DVD for Bailey and the yellow umbrella for Maggie?" Grey asked again.

Jo sighed. Her patience was almost gone. "I told you, ye..." she paused, there was something wrong. "_Yellow_ umbrella? Nobody told me it had a specific color."

Meredith rolled her eyes, impatient too. "It has. Because of some stupid bright and shiny TV show that she likes, it has to be yellow."

"What TV show?" Jo asked, trying to keep her cool.

"I don't know," she shook her head. "And that's not important. Did you buy or did you not buy the yellow umbrella?" The blonde asked slowly, like she was talking to a dumb kid. Jo wouldn't take her shit for too long anymore.

"No. I bought a black umbrella, because I never knew it had to be yellow." Jo replied and started walking towards the elevators, it would be better to wait for Shepherd and Pierce in the OR.

Grey, on the other hand, wasn't done. "Well, you gotta go back and exchange it."

Jo turned back, unable to believe what she was just told. "No, I don't! I have a surgery in like five minutes."

"You are on a day off," the blonde stated, as if it was the most obvious thing. _That is it_.

"Not anymore," Jo paused and took a deep breath. _It's now or never._ "Listen, Dr Grey... I respect you as my boss at work and as Alex's friend outside. But you don't get to boss me about things that have nothing to do with the hospital. I did you a favor buying your presents, as well as I do you a favor every night you show up in my bedroom..."

"Alex's bedroom..." Grey cut her, but she didn't stop.

"...my bedroom and ask me to leave my own bed so you can have my boyfriend's attention. So, no. I'm not going back to exchange your gift, because I have a surgery now."

A few seconds passed until Meredith replied, her voice and her eyes sharpened before the audacity of the resident.

"Dr Wilson, we are at the hospital and I am your superior. I'm saying you have the day off."

No. Jo wouldn't give up now. That situation had gone too far. She was paid to save lives, not to do shopping.

"You are not my attending today. Even if you were, you couldn't force me to go back to that mall. But you know what? I'm on Pierce's service, you can talk to her. If she says that she'd rather have her freaking umbrella than a prepared third year resident to assist her and to whom she can teach an incredibly rare procedure, I'll go."

Pissed, Grey walked away. A smile of satisfaction threatened to appear on Jo's face, until she saw that everybody was watching their confrontation, including the chief. Looking at him, she almost regreted her words, but it was too late. "I'm screwed, ain't I? Fired?" She asked, her eyes going from Hunt to Shepherd, who seemed to be having fun with the scene.

The neurosurgeon was the one to reply, since no sound was coming from Hunt's half open mouth. "Well, technically, you can't be fired for something that, as you said yourself, has nothing to do with the hospital."

"Yes," Hunt agreed, for Jo's big surprise. "But, next time, you better discuss your personal matters outside, or I may have to do something about it."

That said, he nodded to the two women and they resumed their way to the OR.

"Thank you," Jo said, as soon as they were alone in the elevator.

Shepherd looked at her, serious. "If you ever tell anyone that I'm on your side against Meredith, you're dead, understood?"

"Yes, absolutely." Jo nodded. She sighed and closed her eyes for the few seconds left on the ride to the OR floor. What a day she was having!

The surgery helped her to feel better, though. Shepherd and Pierce were both excellent doctors, that she had had the chance to learn from before, and she liked working with them. They were also funny and respectful, not treating the residents like their slaves - exactly what she needed after the incident with Grey and after Alex using his privileges of head of department to give her a day off that she didn't ask for.

Alex. Oddly, she hadn't thought about him and the red velvet box during the four hours she had her hands inside of a man's chest. Thinking about that now made _her_ chest feel smaller. She needed time and space to think, but she also had to be at the house in less than one hour. To make things worse, she had found that Stephanie was on a complicated surgery with Bailey, Warren and Webber, so she probably wouldn't make it to the dinner. Jo was alone to make a decision that could change her life. And Alex's life. Her heart ached everytime she thought about the possibility of breaking his heart. But... What if he wanted to get married at all costs? What if they had different goals in life and none of them were willing to change their mind? She had seem that happening with Yang and Hunt, Torres and Robbins, even Grey and Shepherd were fighting because they wanted to follow opposite paths. What if, like Shepherd couldn't choose his wife over DC and Hunt couldn't be happy without having a kid, Alex wouldn't be satisfied unless they had a big ceremony and an official paper to say that they belonged together? And what if they didn't belong together?

* * *

**Boston, December 24, 1990.**

"Nice to meet you, Josephine. I'm Hannah." The black girl with a nice voice said, with a smile that made the little Josephine feel at home. "That is my brother, Elijah. This is Julianne and this is Danielle. They're cousins." The other two girls smiled too and Jo reciprocated.

"I'm five," she said. She wanted to know how old they were. She liked numbers. "You are five too?"

Hannah laughed, as if she had said something stupid. "No, I'm ten." Jo looked at her hands. Two hands, ten fingers, she had learned in school.

"And we are seven," Danielle said, looking at her cousin. They were both blondes with blue eyes. Julianne's straight hair was on a messed up ponytail, while Danielle's curls were all over her shoulder.

Jo's big eyes focused on the only boy in the room. "He is twelve," his sister informed. "He doesn't care about anything." She took the hand of the new kid, making her stand. "Come on! It's Christmas! We have to get ready for the dinner."

"No, you don't," the woman's voice came from the door. "You're all going to bed."

"What about our presents?" Julianne spoke for the first time.

"No presents today, honey," the woman replied. "Josephine, give me your bag." She took Jo's bag and put it under the green empty bed. "You're sleeping here, okay?"

She wanted a red bed, but she didn't dare to say. As the other kids complained about the change of plans, she wondered if she had done something wrong and that, somehow, was her fault.

* * *

**A/N:** I'm sorry for the late update (it's past midnight here) and for this chapter being shorter than the first. This wasn't my plan, but I still don't know how I could think I would be able to write a long chapter every two days. I'm probably not updating on 23th and 25th as I had said before, but I'll try my best to finish the story before the year ends lol

Thank you for the follows, favorites and reviews. I'm glad that you guys are enjoying this story and I love to read your thoughts. It's always a great experience to write about Jo's feelings.


	3. I'll be home for Christmas

**Seattle, December 24, 2020.**

"Mom, I'm hungry," Claire complained for the second time since they had left the house. Jo looked at her daughter. Poor kid, she was hungry, and tired, and anxious to open her presents, but most of the time she was being really sweet and understanding about the circumstances that ruined her Christmas.

"I know, honey, can you hold on just a little longer? We'll eat as soon as we get to aunt April's room, okay?" The girl nodded, earning a smile from her mother.

The elevator door opened and the woman walked, with her hands full of bags - food, a few presents and backup clothes for the kids -, Claire holding her leg and Joshua on her lap. After waiting four hours for his sisters to be born, the boy cried for her mother until Jo decided to take them to the hospital and then he ended up sleeping while in the car. Jo hoped she'd make the right decision; she couldn't even talk to Alex or Jackson about it, since her husband got called to an emergency surgery just when he arrived with April and his friend didn't pick her call when she needed. As soon as she found a table to put her bags on, she took her phone and texted Alex. _Bringing our dinner to Kepner's room. Please, be there, as soon as you can, or our tired child will sleep without seeing her daddy_. Both Jo and Alex worked a lot, but since Claire was born, they had done whatever they needed to be together on every special ocasion.

After trying to talk to Jackson again, Jo asked an intern to stay a few minutes with the kids and the bags while went to the nurses station alone, so she could hear whatever news they had without disturbing the little ones. She found out that April's doctor was going to wait a few more hours before deciding if he should do a C-section and the mother-to-be had decided to take drugs. _Good_, Jo thought. _I only need about one hour to make the kids satisfied and we can go back home_.

She went back to the waiting area, sent the intern in front of them with the bags and woke up Josh. "Hey, sweetie, let's go see your mom and dad?" The boy immediately opened his eyes and said he was ready to go and when they arrived at the room, Alex and Jackson were already there.

Claire ran to her daddy, like she did every time Alex or Jo arrived home, as Jackson walked the few steps to the door to take his boy. "Hey, buddy," the plastic surgeon said. "We missed you here."

"We sure did," the redhead agreed. "Have you thanked aunt Jo for taking care of you and bringing you here?"

"Thank you, aunt Jo. I'll give you your present when we go to your home again," Joshua said, making the adults laugh. Then, Jackson sit on his wife's bed, with their son between them, talking about everything he and Claire had been done all afternoon.

Two hours later, the OB-GYN came and decided to take April to the OR. Jo stayed in the room with Claire, who was almost losing the batte against her eyes to stay awake any longer, while Jackson took Joshua as far as they could go and Alex went to his department to make sure that there was a doctor he could trust, in case the twins needed some assistance, so he could go home. When he came back, he sit by her side on the small couch, put his arm around her shoulders, bringing his girls closer, and kissed his wife's temple. "That was an interesting day," the man said.

Jo chuckled. "Tell me about it. I-"

"Mom..." Jo was interrupted by the half asleep girl on her lap. "Josh is coming home with us?"

"Yep. Today he'll sleep in your bedroom." Jo replied, sweetly.

"Good," Claire replied, her eyes closed and her voice more like a whisper.

Alex looked at Jo with a questioning look, and she shrugged. Then, he turned to their daughter. "Why?"

Jo watched her husband with a playful smile on her lips. She knew that he loved Joshua, but he was way too protective to avoid worrying about the friendship of his baby girl with any innocent boy.

"Because now that aunt April will have two girls, Josh won't need me to play with him and they will abandon us," the girl said, immediately bringing tears to her mother's eyes. Jo looked at Alex and she could see that he was feeling the same pain that she felt. She knew they couldn't protect her of everything, but if there was one thing they never wanted their kid to feel, was that she was being abandoned.

Alex took his daughter's little hand into his. "Nobody is abandoning you, baby girl," he said, and Jo noticed that he was holding back his tears too. "Even if your best friend can't spend much time with you for a while, you'll always have mom and dad, okay?"

Jo gave him a reassuring smile. Those were the right words. Claire smiled too and said her last words before falling asleep. "Okay. But we should have a baby too."

* * *

**Seattle, December 24, 2014**

That was a long bath. Jo could sleep in that bath. And that was exactly what her body needed. Thankfully, Alex was too busy in the kitchen to see when she entered home, so she could go directly to the bedroom and sink in the water for almost an entire hour. Not that she had came to a conclusion yet, but it helped a little to sort her feelings. She knew that she wanted to be with Alex, that she never cared about anyone the way she cared about him and that she couldn't even imagine her life without him anymore. But she also knew that everything seemed to good to be true and she was still afraid that any move could just ruin their crooked fairy tale, that she would just wake up one day and be all alone again. He should understand that. He should give her more time.

When her watch showed that it was already seven, Jo knew she should get out and go downstairs, she didn't want to be responsible for delaying the dinner. Quickly, she dried her long hair, applied some makeup and put on a sweater dress, tights and boots. She left the room, but stopped at the top of the stars, to hear if everybody was already there. She could hear Alex's and Callie's voices. "I can't believe that I lived to see Karev hosting a Christmas dinner," the orthopedic surgeon laughed as Alex replied a predictable "Shut up". There was someone else's laugh, that Jo couldn't identify at first, but she thought was Shepherd.

"You and Wilson are the only couple here tonight," the third voice spoke. "Can you, please, wait until we're all gone for you to exchange your gifts instead of make we all jealous of the happy couple?" Jo snorted and she could hear that Alex had done the same. How in the world did they become _the_ happy couple? It was nice, though. She hoped they stayed at that place. And it was funny that, without knowing, Shepherd might just have helped her, by suggesting that they waited. Suddenly, she felt weird for eavesdropping and decided to join the party.

Callie saw her first. "Oh, there she is," the brunette said. The two women smiled to each other and walked to the living room, as Alex quickly turned to see his girlfriend and walked to meet her at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey," he said, rubbing his hand on her arm and kissing her briefly on the lips. "We are waiting for you."

"Sorry, I didn't want to make you guys late. Let's go!" She replied, taking his hand. He didn't move.

"Wait, I want to talk to you first," Alex said and Jo froze. Slowly, she turned back to face him and tried to hide the panic. _Not now, Alex. Please, not now._

"Now? Didn't you say that you're all waiting?" She asked.

He nodded. "Yes, it's not gonna take long," he pulled her a little, lessening the distance between them. "I just wanna say that I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I know you hate these things, I just wanted to do something nice... But we still can put everything on Robbins's shoulder and get out, if you want."

Jo laughed. Part of her was hoping that he would do something bad, so she could just be mad at him and avoid the talk they had to had, but he wasn't making it easy for her. "It's fine, Alex. Really."

He kissed her again and they walked together to the living room. Jo had to admit that the place was much more beautiful than she had imagined. There was a big table in the middle of the room, and a simple but beautiful tree between the fireplace and the bookshelf. Some of the people were already sitting, including Zola, who had taken the head, having her mother by her right side. While Jo went to the other side to help Arizona with an ornament that was out of the place, Sofia took the other head and Callie sat on one of her sides. Amelia sat right after her, leaving an empty chair in the middle, just in case Meredith wanted to put Bailey there, and Pierce sat in front of the neuro surgeon, with Alex by her side. When Arizona and Jo saw, they were the only ones still standing, and there were only two places left - one between Sofia and Pierce, in front of Callie, and the other between Alex and Zola, in front of Grey. They shared a friendly look. The resident knew that it would be hard for her new roommate to sit in front of her ex wife, as well as everyone probably knew that the last thing she wanted was to be anywhere near Medusa, but they also knew that it would be awkward if they switched positions, so there they went.

Thanks to the kids, Shepherd and Pierce, the conversation didn't die and they all had a nice time. After the dinner, Alex, Meredith and Callie took the dishes to the kitchen while Arizona followed her daughter to the tree; Sofia wanted to open her presents. The three kids happily opened the few gifts they had assigned to the night and the adults started to exchange theirs. Jo gave the earrings to her prospecting mentor, who gave her a book that she'd written with Robbins's a few years ago. "We used to be the Ortho-Peds power couple of the hospital. Maybe, if you want and I teach you well, you and Alex can take this spot in a few years." Jo replied with a shy smile, not only because she felt weird that the older woman was talking about her failed relationship, but also because she didn't know how things were going to be between her and Alex in a few years. It was all about the talk.

She didn't have much time to think about that, though. As soon as Callie left her alone, Arizona came. "This is the gift card for a weekend on the best romantic B&amp;B I've ever been, on Portland, Oregon. And I promise I won't be there to open the door at you two naked." The blond winked, hugged Jo and went away, leaving the younger woman blushing at the mention of an incident that happened a few weeks before.

The rest of the night went smoothly. To her surprise, Jo found herself enjoying the guests's presence. She spent a lovely time just sitting by Alex's side on the couch, with his arm around her shoulder, listening to Callie and Sofia singing Christmas songs.

When Pierce decided to leave and Alex followed her to the front door, Jo went to the kitchen to take a beer. When she was about to get out of with a bottle for Alex and one for herself, se bumped on someone. _Twice in one day, how lucky I am._

"Wilson," Meredith nodded.

"Doctor Grey," Jo replied, trying to reach the door, but the other woman didn't let her. Her blue eyes were narrowed towards Jo and she seemed to be rethinking her words before say something else.

The blond closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I want to apologize... For today. You have to understand that I'm going through a lot right now and Alex is my closest friend, so-"

"I understand that," the resident said, already annoyed by where that conversation was going.

"Good. So, you know you don't have a reason to be mad at me," Meredith said, with a tiny smile.

Jo couldn't avoid rolling her eyes. "You're right. As long as you don't wake me up in the middle of the night, take all of my boyfriend's time or ask me to be your personal gift buyer, I don't have any reason to be mad."

The smile on the blond grew and became a lot more sarcastic. "You are not afraid of anything, are you?" She asked.

Jo crossed her arms, defensively. "Not when I am right."

The two women stared at each other for a while, before Jo decided to be the bigger person there.

"Listen," she started, not sure of how the other would take her words. "I don't want to fight you for Alex's attention. I don't want to make him choose."

Meredith agreed. "Good, because I may be on his bed, but I have no plans to do what you do."

Jo knew she should take this as a win, but she was so done with Grey, that she felt a little offended by her words. "You see, that's the breaking point. I can do what you do. Because our relationship is not only about sex as you apparently think it is."

"I never said that," Meredith argued.

"But that's how it looks like," Jo stated, firmly. She didn't know exactly why she was defending her relationship so passionately, when she was questioning it herself only a few hours ago. But maybe, that's what she needed. To convince someone else with the words she didn't dare to say to herself. Grey stopped, thinking.

"Fine. I apologize for... everything. I probably should be more considerate," she finallly admitted.

"So," Jo said, "can we, at least, try to be civil to each other?"

The attending offered her hand. "Civil."

After they shook hands, Meredith gave up on whatever she was going to do in the kitchen and went back to the living room, calling her daughter. Jo decided to take a moment to breath before she could go too. She sat on the high stool, took a sip of her beer and closed her eyes, putting her head in her hands. She startled at someone tripping in front of her. Amelia Shepherd.

"Sorry," she said, at Jo's surprised look. "Zola spilled grape juice on my white shoes, so I went to the laundry room to clean it and when I saw, you two were talking and I couldn't get out without being noticed."

"Dr Shepherd..."

"You can call me Amelia. I mean, after I accidentally heard two conversations between you and my sister-in-law, I think we can be on the first name basis." Jo shrugged, and she sat in front of her. "Look, Jo... I know how you feel. I've been there. I'm the baby sister, I've been an outsider between my sibling's perfect friends for a really long time. That sucks."

"Tell me about it!" Jo agreed, taking another sip and motioning for Amelia to continue.

"But... It doesn't last forever. You and Meredith have to learn how to live with each other's presence," she offered a smile and Jo sighed.

"Tell her about it."

Shepherd laughed. "No, I'm not crazy. She is my sister-in-law." Jo laughed too. Shepherd continued. "She is going through a lot, indeed. And she knows how to be a bitch-"

"She hates me, and I don't even know why," Jo cut her, her head on the table.

Amelia shook her head. "She doesn't hate you. Sure she didn't love you either, but if she learned how to be nice to me, and all my sisters and even Maggie, she's going to get used to you, at least. Specially if you and Alex are going to get married and have a family someday."

Jo raised her head, her eyes becoming wide. Amelia stopped, staring at her, as she asked. "Do you know something?"

Amelia smiled. "Well, I didn't, but now I may know. Let me see... He wants to get married, but you're not sure. Am I right?"

The resident looked at her, studying the other woman. Shepherd noticed her hesitancy and got up. "You don't wanna talk and this is none of my business. I get it, and I'm leaving. But if you ever change your mind, I'm a very good listener."

Jo watched as she took a can of soda from the fridge and walked towards the door, still struggling to decide if she could take that leap and trust someone she barely knew. She took a deep and slow breath before speaking. "Let's say that, maybe, you are right."

Amelia looked at her with a knowing smile and sat on the same place again. "I know I am."

"How?"

"Because I've been there too. Let me tell you a story," the surgeon took another sip of his soda and Jo waited. "A few years ago, I met someone. I loved him. We weren't very good for each other, but man, I loved him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Then... Then he died and I was pregnant." Amelia paused. Jo was surprised that she was talking about such a personal topic. She started again, speaking faster than before, as if she wanted to get that over with. "I'm not the motherly type, but I wanted to have his baby like I've never wanted anything in my life. My baby died too. Even before he was born, I knew he was going to die, and I blamed myself, because I could have done something before. Then, I met another man. A great man, that I came to love too. He proposed, I said 'yes', then I came here and I decided to break up with him. I loved him, I did, but when I closed my eyes, I couldn't see our future." Amelia paused again and took a deep breath. Then, she stood, waked to the trash can and leaned against the wall, with her arms crossed. "I saw myself, being a badass neuro surgeon on this amazing city, I saw all of you guys from Grey-Sloan, I saw my niece and nephew growing up, but I didn't see him. I didn't see a family with him. So, I broke his heart. I'm not the best at giving advice, but one thing I can tell you: if you close your eyes, and you can't see Alex in your future, talk to him. Explain, ask for some time, break up with him if you think this is the right thing to do. But if you see... If you can see you two hosting a Christmas dinner together in five, six years, if you can see you having Karev babies and sharing your days with him when you're just two cranky old brats... If you can't imagine your future _without_ him, don't let your fears stop you, 'cause when you realize that you made a mistake by turning him down, it might be too late."

* * *

**Boston, December 25, 1990.**

"Wake up, Jos, we're late." The girl opened her eyes and saw three faces above her. She was scared and it took her a while to figure out where she was. New house. New parents. New kids. The oldest girl asked the others to give her some space, and helped her to get up and change. Then, she braided her hair. "I love your hair," Hannah said and Jo smiled.

When they were all ready, the four girls went to the living room, where the only boy was already waiting with their foster parents. Elijah was sitting by the tree, looking at the presents, the father was on the couch in front of him and the mother was standing by the window. On the table, there was hot chocolate, bacon, eggs, cereal and cookies, that they ate gladly. In that moment, the little girl with smart eyes allowed herself to believe that Santa had given her a real family. They were happy and they seemed to like her. She would behave well, she would be a better girl, she wouldn't do anything to make they dislike her like she did with her last parents.

Everything was perfect until they opened their presents. Why did everyone get toys, and she only got socks?

* * *

**A/N:** Again, thank you all for your support with this story. I know that there isn't much of Jo and Alex yet, but the next (and last) chapter will be all about them. I just had to explore Jo's insecurities a little more and I hope I wrote her well. I also hope I wrote Amelia well. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here before, but I really love Amelia and I would love if she became Jo's friend, because I think they are alike in a lot of ways and it would be amazing to see them together. Please, tell me what you think. I love your reviews!

I'll try to update until Tuesday, because I know that I won't have time for anything between wednesday and saturday, but in case I can't (and, let's be honest, is probable that I can't, because I didn't take a holiday break and I'm working more than ever), I wish you all a happy new year :D


	4. If only in my dreams

**Boston, January 07, 1991.**

There was a car running through the streets of Boston. From the back window, a pair of greenish brown eyes watched as some men took off the remaining Christmas decoration from the stores. The festivities were over as well as the family she thought she had.

The girl felt the wetness in her eyes and as the first tear came out, she quickly wiped it, before the father could see it. But, she noticed, he wasn't paying attention. They were arriving at the agency and he was trying to park.

So, it happened. Josephine Wilson, the girl that had managed to mess everything good in her life up, had done it again and she wasn't even sure how.

She remembered Christmas morning. The other kids, their toys and her socks. Pink. Blue. Yellow. White. Pink again. They were pretty, but Julianne's and Danielle's dolls were prettier, as well as Hannah's new book and Elijah's game. She also remembered finding small chocolates in one of the white socks and being happy about it. Everything after that was a blur. Elijah asking for chocolates, the girls wanting one too, and she not wanting to give, because they were the only nice thing she had. Somehow, she hurt someone - was it Julianne or Danielle? She couldn't remember - and the mother was mad. She was mad on the next day, and the next, and next, and the next, and everyday. Until today, that she was nice. She woke Jo up, dressed her and gave her cookies. Them she put her in the car, and explained that her time with them had finished. "I'm sorry, sweetie, you just didn't fit with the other kids. I'm sure they're gonna find a better place for you," the father had said when they left the house.

Now, he was saying something again, but she wasn't listening. As she stood at the door, with Miss Andrew's hand on her shoulder, she watched the father going away and dreamed that, someday, someone would want to keep her for more than two weeks.

* * *

**Seattle, December 25, 2014.**

Standing at the door, Jo watched as the last guest left. Callie had stayed until Sofia fell asleep, and Arizona was upstairs with the kid already. The night was beautiful and she felt more alive by breathing in the smell of snow. Jo leaned her head on the door frame and felt Alex's arms circling her from behind. For a while, she just enjoyed the warmth of his embrace. It felt good, it felt comfortable, it felt right. For a while, she allowed herself to not think of anything. When his lips touched her neck, she felt her whole body react and turned to face him.

Their lips met on a sweet kiss and she wished that the cold wind could freeze that moment. Unfortunately, it wasn't possible.

Alex took a step back and Jo gave some space for him to close the door.

"So... It wasn't that bad, huh?" He said, with a charming smirk.

"It was almost good, after I got used to the idea," she replied, walking towards the stairs.

Alex walked after her and placed a hand on her hips. "I promise next year we can have a little more time to plan."

_Next year._ All the confusing thoughts Jo had kept out of her mind for the last few minutes were back. She was sure Alex felt her uptight body, but he didn't say anything and they walked in silence until the bedroom.

Sitting in the bed to take her boots off, Jo could feel Alex hovering behind her.

"Uh, Jo..." He said.

Jo turned back to face him, trying to sound lightly, though she knew what was coming. "Yeah?"

"I... I've got something for you."

Alex had his right hand behind his head and his eyes wide open. It was his I'm-trying-to-say-something-but-I-can't face. Cute. And she hated that she was going to be responsible for that face being replaced by a hurting face.

She kicked her boots under the bed and got up to face him. "I know," she said.

It took a moment for him to understand the meaning behind those two words. "You know." He repeated with a serious tone.

She bit her lip. "Yes. I bought a gift for you too, and apparently there's only one place to hide things in this big old house," she explained, trying to sound like that wasn't a huge deal. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry for seeing the thing or because you don't want it?"

The moment Jo was trying to avoid during the entire night had arrived. She looked into her boyfriend's eyes, she saw how much he wanted her to accept and she felt the same pain in her chest that she'd been feeling every time she thought about that conversation. The pain of causing someone she cared pain.

However, now she wasn't sure about her motives to not accept his proposal anymore. She had said to herself that she wasn't prepared, that she was too young, that she wanted to finish her residence first but, although all of those might be true, they weren't the whole story. The most important part she might have heard not from herself, but from an outspoken neurosurgeon that she'd know for only a couple of months.

Since nothing came from her open mouth, a disappointed sound came from Alex's. "Never mind. Let's go sleep."

He started to change his clothes without looking at her, and Jo just watched, still speechless.

"Alex, I'm so sorry," she finally managed to say. "I don't want to hurt you, but-"

"Too late," his stoic tone destroyed her. He seemed to notice and finally looked at her. She wasn't sure if her face was expressing all of her feelings, but it probably didn't seem very happy either, because his face softened when their eyes matched. "Let's just forget all of this, okay?"

She sighed. His voice showed that he wasn't exactly mad at her and she wished he was. It would be much easier to just fight. "Can we at least talk about this first? We need to. We can't just leave the white elephant hanging out with us." She tried.

"What is there to talk? I want something, you don't. End of story." He said and went to the bathroom.

She wished it was that easy. "I never said I don't want."

Jo waited. She could feel that he had stopped whatever he'd been doing before. After a while, he came to the door.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I mean... That I don't know. And I may need your help to figure it out."

Alex closed his eyes and rubbed his face. "Ok. Fine. How can I help you?"

"Just... Talking, maybe," she paused. She wasn't expecting that question, but it wasn't that difficult to find the one thing she wanted to know the most. "Why? Why do you want so bad to get married? Aren't you happy with what we have now?"

Alex snorted and he shook his head. "You can't be serious."

She looked at him. Of course he wasn't going to answer right away. "I am serious."

He reciprocated her glance. His eyes were bright but sort of sad, almost as if that question had hurt him more than he was hurting before. As if it was an absurd question. The wind hit the window, reminding Jo of another night, almost two years ago, when they stood in front of each other, Alex wanting to tell her something, but not being able to actually say the words she didn't even know she wanted to hear. This time, though, he said them.

"Because I love you!" He yelled, impatient, and Jo was sure that Robbins could hear them from her room. "Because I _am_ happy with what we have now. More than I've ever been before and more than I thought I could be someday. That's why. I want to make you my wife and I want the world to know that. I want to have a family with you and to be everything our parents weren't for us. I want you to know that I'll always be by your side, until we grow old together. I... I want all of that sentimental crap I've never understood why people wanted to do. And I thought you'd want that too."

Each one of his words made Jo's legs feel weaker and weaker, until she couldn't stand her body anymore and she was glad that she was only inches from the bed.

"I... I..." Jo started, but she had to stop to breath and sort all of those overwhelming feelings. There was nothing wrong with his wishes. Nothing that she didn't want too. After all, Amelia was right. She couldn't imagine her future without Alex, but as he spoke, she could see each one of his words coming to life on her mind.

She saw their wedding. A simple small wedding, with only their closest friends, the ones that would be truly happy for them. The honeymoon... They could go to the B&amp;B Arizona said, on Portland. She saw kids - theirs and their friend's - running around the house. She saw birthdays, and Christmases, and Thanksgivings, and Halloweens. She heard her voice trying to calm him down when their daughter's first boyfriend came to meet them. She saw herself in a mirror, with wrinkles under her eyes, gray hair and Alex behind her saying that she was still hot. She felt his wrinkled hands holding her waist and his gray eyebrows being raised sarcastically at her tears on their grandkid's graduation.

Then, she saw herself losing everything because she let her fears win. She opened her mouth, but the words were still stuck inside of her. On the other hand, her heart was beating so fast that she would worry if she was a patient.

Through a waterfall of tears that she hadn't noticed before, she saw Alex walking towards the bed and sitting by her side. "Listen... I'm sorry, okay? I don't want to pressure you. This isn't something I have to convince you. If you're not ready, you're not ready, I understand, really."

Jo cupped his face and gave him a soft kiss, salty by the tears she was trying to restrain. "You don't have to apologize. I do, because you're there being all sweet, and romantic, and understanding and I..." She got up and started to walk around the room, as if that would help the words to flow better. "I just wanted to make things right with you, because you deserve it... We deserve it. I thought we could just keep going, and enjoy this thing while it worked... I tried not to get too attached, not to count on anything... I'm not sure when things started to go wrong, but... I don't want to screw up, to break your heart, to..."

She was doing the best that she could, but the words were still too confuse and by the way Alex was looking at her, he wasn't understanding a thing. He got up and narrowed his eyes at her. "So... are you saying that... Are you breaking up with me?"

She couldn't help a laugh. She really had to work on her communications skills. It was a simple message and still she couldn't get it right.

The tears started to fall again. Her throat started to ache. Her voice was almost a whisper. "Damn it, Alex! No. What I'm saying is... I'm saying that I love you. And it's the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to me."

Now, the time had frozen, she was sure. The air was so thick that she could almost hold it in her hands. But Jo felt lighter. Her vision was clearer and the white elephant wasn't there anymore. She'd been struggling with those three little words for so long, she had tried to say them so many times and she felt so good that she finally did. God, she was so broken! She liked to play strong, to pretend that she had overcame easily everything that she'd been through, but the truth was that, though she had indeed survived a lot, she hadn't came out of everything without scars. And she hid those scars as long as she could. She avoided her feelings, she tried to be someone else. But with Alex things were different. He allowed her to be herself, he accepted her, he understood her, he loved her for who she was.

He wanted to be her family and she was resisting it because of a stupid selfish fear of being abandoned once again.

Jo didn't know how long had passed before Alex's soft voice broke the silence. "You think you're the only one that's scared? I've done that before, I know that a piece of paper doesn't necessarily mean something. I know there's no guarantees. But I still want to try. I still think it may work when you do it for the right reasons."

Jo smiled; he was so sweet while still being the same hot tempered she fell for. She crossed her arms, walked to the window and stared at the empty street. Slowly, he crossed the room after her, stopped by her side and put his arm around her, making circles with his thumb on her shoulder.

"We are so messed up, aren't we?" She said, without looking at him.

"Yeah..." He replied. "Maybe that's the reason why we're good together."

Jo thought. Yes, he was right. They both had tried and failed on relationships with the all-put-together kind of people, maybe being messed up together was exactly what made them good.

She closed her eyes an inhaled the biggest amount of air she could fit in her lungs; she needed her brain to be well oxygenated. Amelia's words kept coming back to her mind. _If you can't imagine your_ _life without him, don't let your fears stop you._

_Don't let your fears stop you._

_Don't let your fears stop you._

She turned to face him, and he moved his hand to her side. "That's still you not trying to convince me?" She said, playfully.

"Sorry," he replied, shyly.

She nodded. "Maybe I needed that."

Alex stared at her long enough to give her butterflies. "Needed? Past tense?"

Jo shrugged.

"Are you sure?" He asked, slowly. He was giving her an out, and she could understand why he was insecure now, but she didn't want it anymore. She wanted to take that leap.

"No. I'm not sure if I'll ever be sure, because, well, no guarantees," she replied. "So, if you want to ask me something, you better do it fast."

He frowned for a moment, before entering her playful mood. It was good to talk that lightly after all the weight she'd been carrying all day. She had no more strength for heavy conversations. She had no more strenght to fight against something she probably wanted as much as him.

"Uh, I don't know. I may have to take a little time with the ring and the whole get-on-my-knee thing," Alex said, making Jo laugh, her hair dancing behind her inclined head.

"You really could skip the one knee part. Too sappy for us, don't you think?" She pulled him closer and put her hands around his neck.

He pecked her lips. "Good," he said. "So, Josephine Wilson..." He stopped to kiss her again. "Would you..." Another kiss. "Marry me?"

Jo waited until he was done with the kisses, then she stood on her tiptoes, to be at the same height as his and look him straight in the eyes.

She was serious. She had never been so serious in her entire life. Her heart was beating faster and faster, and as his eyes meet hers, she felt like the whole world had stopped to wait for her answer. An earthquake could have happened in that moment, and Jo wouldn't have felt or heard anything. Even the voices of her past failed romantic and platonic relationships were now fading. In front of her, the man she loved. The only person she ever loved, the only person that had ever loved her. In front of her, a future the world made her think she didn't deserve. A family. A home for her heart.

In front of her, a tiny word that could change their lives.

"Yes."

* * *

**Seattle, December 24, 2020.**

"Good night, sweetie." Jo said, as she adjusted the blankets over her daughter and kissed the girl's cheek.

Trying to not make any noises, Jo left the bedroom and met Alex, who had just arrived from the living room, where he stayed to clean after they moved the Christmas dinner to the hospital.

He put his arms around her and pecked her lips. "Are they sleeping?"

Jo nodded. "Yeah. Claire insisted on staying awake until Josh slept. I think she was afraid that I was leaving him alone, even though we only do that to her when she thinks she is the big girl who doesn't need us around anymore. She's overprotective, just like her father."

Alex laughed and entered the bedroom to kiss his daughter good night. Jo could see that she was smiling.

He got out and they walked together to their bedroom. When they arrived, Jo noticed there was a text on her phone.

"It's from Jackson," she said. "He says that April, Karen and Katherine are just fine and we can take Josh to visit in the morning."

"I know," Alex replied. "I called him a few minutes ago."

He started talking about tests and numbers, but Jo wasn't listening. Not that she didn't care, but she knew that, if there was anything wrong with the babies, they wouldn't be at home talking about it. Also, her mind was somewhere else.

"Claire was right... I want to have another kid," she said. He stopped at her surprising statement.

"Okay," Alex said, slowly. "Should we start practicing?"

Jo stood in front of him and crossed her arms on her chest, without saying anything. He touched her face, a playful smile on his face. "Well, you know how babies are made... We practice a lot, actually."

He still wasn't taking her seriously. "Alex."

"Fine, serious talk. I'm listening," he gave up on the sex talk and sat on the bed, bringing Jo with him, to sit on his lap.

She put her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "Thank you," she said. "I said I want another kid, but..." She paused. She wasn't sure if he was going to agree with her idea. "I never said it has to be a biological kid." Alex wanted to say something but she didn't let him. "Wait, please, let me finish." He nodded. "Earlier today, when you left with April, Josh wouldn't stop crying and I was thinking about how unfair it would seem for him that he couldn't spend Christmas night with his parents and that reminded me of how Christmas felt like when I was a kid." Alex averted his eyes - she knew that he hated talking about the past - but she gently turned his face back to her. "Year after year I asked Santa for a family. Now I have one and we're doing a pretty decent job with the little us next door, so we have the change to give someone everything we had to earn by ourselves."

She stopped and he waited until she nodded to sign that he could talk now. "Okay," he said, plain and clear, for her surprise.

Jo frowned. "Okay? I thought you're gonna fight me on that."

That was Alex's turn to be surprised. "I can't say I've never thought about that too. It makes sense. We'll have another kid without you having to give birth again, Claire will have the sibling she wants, and our new child will have a chance in life."

Jo stared at him, speechless. After all those years, her husband still had his ways to make her fall in love with him more and more. She smiled and they shared a quick kiss.

"So, this is it?" Jo asked, after she broke the kiss. "Are we adopting a child?"

"I guess it is," Alex replied. "I only have one question..." He paused and Jo could see a playful grim initiating on his face. "Can we still keep practicing?"

She slapped his arm, before they lay in bed together.

Next year, the newest member of the family would be home for Christmas.

* * *

_Holidays. Everybody loves holidays. Why? What about these dates are so special?_

_Maybe, it's because they're our chances to do things we should be doing constantly. To live, to love, to celebrate, to make happy the people who love us. To be home. To have a family._

_Home isn't just a house and family isn't just a bunch of people who share their DNA. They're much more than that. And whoever found them, should celebrate everyday._

* * *

**A/N:** Last chapter, yay! Writing this story was such a great and intense experience, that I'm glad that I finished, but I'm also gonna miss it. Thank you all for reading it. I put a lot of thought (and a few tears) on this chapter, because I didn't want it to be too dramatic, but I think there is this talk Jo and Alex need about their relationship and it's so overdue that I can't imagine it without a certain dose of drama. I hope I got it right. Please, reviews are always welcomed.

(Also, I'm thinking about changing my pen name. Fanfiction is sort of a guilty pleasure that I don't want some of my friends to find out, but it's easy to be found when you use the same username on another sites. I'm not sure what I'm gonna use, though. I was going to go with "baykennish", because her and Alex are my favorite characters of all time, but I think it might be weird considering that I don't use to read or write Switched at Birth stories. Is it too weird? Anyway, it's just a warn.)

(Update: I did change my username. Now I am "thesumofmydecisions", a reference to Being Erica, one of my favorite shows. Sorry for rambling about this here.)


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